Walt Loves the Bearcat excerpts

Walt Loves the Bearcat excerpt

NOTE: Some excerpts have been altered for logistical purposes.

"If that's what being gay is, I'm no longer a homo."

Marcus thought about all the years imagining a life with a total stranger. He had told himself the daydreams were just for the book he was going to write one day; but if it was just for the book, he now possessed 21 years’ worth of stories in the form of daydreams. And 21 years’ worth of memories he’d never shared with another soul.

There was the beach house in Malibu, and all the games all over the country. Marcus had been there for almost every snap at every venue, from those cool, windy stadiums up North, to the dome that was their home for a good while. From Walt’s debut as an NFL starting quarterback on a rockin’ Monday night in Denver, to the Frozen Tongue Playoff Game in Buffalo. From the Doak Minnefield sack that threatened to end Walt’s career, to the Hail Larry pass that threatened to end Walt and Marcus’ cool and dreamy life. From the playoffs and the Super Bowls, to the unidentified flying object that came from the cheap seats in Pittsburgh. From the highest of accolades, to all the other missiles launched at both men, especially after Walt Yeager became the first superstar athlete to admit his love for another man while still in the prime of his pro football career ...

“We conquered the world, or tried to,” said Marcus aloud to the audience at the writer’s conference. “In my dreams, we did great things and stood by one another like warriors united, always and forever. This much is true.”

Suddenly he realized that the room might not be interested in hearing about Walt Yeager, and that maybe he should utter something about the topic at hand (since it was his turn to speak).

“That was my dream for this gay community,” said Marcus, continuing onward, “that we band together. Like warriors united. But it’s a dream unfulfilled. This ‘gay’ community I see in the early part of the 21^st century is nothing that I can personally identify with or relate to. Somebody hijacked the word gay. Now it means you’re a Queer Eye Guy, or Will or Grace. If that’s what being gay is, I’m no longer a homo.”

Murmurs of approval filtered through the audience.

“Not knocking anyone,” said Marcus. “We all should be who we are. But when I signed on to this whole gay thing, I did so with the understanding that it was an easy way to convey to the world my number one draft pick for the gender of my sex partners and eventual love of my life, nothing else.”

Laughter replaced the murmurs.

“Sex life and love life were the only things I signed up for,” said Marcus. “No behavioral tendencies, no special icons and divas, no particular clothes or labels or activities or lifestyle—although I must say, I’ve probably tried them all on for size in the name of finding who I really am. And this is who I really am: the only reason I’m gay is because there are certain things about a man that I don’t wanna live without. Daily, preferably. The first of those is another man’s soul. After that, everything else is details. That’s the only reason I check gay on the census form, so to speak. And as far as labels, I learned a long time ago to let ’em go. So the Queer Eye Guys can keep gay. And I hope all their dreams come true, just like mine. But I’ll just say ... I’m sexual ...”

Silence ensued in the room, as if time were momentarily suspended.

“Thank you very much. Enjoy your weekend,” concluded Marcus.

“Uh, excuse me,” said the dark-haired lesbian at the podium. “Just exactly how does this relate to Why Gay America Cares About Gay Literature?”

Marcus collected himself. “Because this new gay world does not care about gay literature. How many here today tell people you write gay lit, and they automatically assume you do porno? Yeah, see, if I had a dollar for every hand in the air right now, I could afford to stay at this hotel on a regular weekend. This new gay world doesn’t care about gay literature because, even though we have great stories, they don’t have pretty pictures, like all the other sources for gay media.” Then it dawned on Marcus for the very first time. “We’ve got to give them pretty pictures!” He folded his hands and cracked his knuckles. “Then all of America will care,” said Marcus, smiling at the dark-haired lesbian, who still didn’t seem convinced.

“Perhaps we’ll leave that discussion for the Q&A,” she said, sounding quite bewildered.